Observations on the Art of Lao Massage (#2 in a series)

[Editors note: Before you judge us, please know that it's not all pad thai and man-massages out here. The days are hotter than pig's breath (I think we covered this earlier) and the beds are hard with a squishy -soft layer of ant carcasses - if you're lucky! This is still early in the trip; there's meaningful volunteer work to follow. Really. So for now, please endure part 2 of Tim's General Audience-rated massage series and don't write any comments to the tune of "You should re-title this the 'Elgar Spa Adventure' Blog". We won't find that funny.]

An Open Letter to my Lao Masseuse:

Dear Mi,

After two days with the other cattle on the slow boat to Luang Prabang, it was a pleasure to visit your massage parlour. Thanks for the herbal tea - it was delightful. Of course I refused the oil massage for the more traditional (dry) Lao massage. That being said, I hadn't previously heard of a Lao massage. Is it possible that we're playing a little game in calling it "traditional"? Can you stick the name of any country in front of the word "massage" and charge extra for it?

I digress. Regardless, oil would have been an insult! Why then, after this demonstration of respect, did you insist upon dressing me as a fisherman? Yes, the baggy cloth pants (fabulously flared at the cuffs) were comfortable - but necessary? Mi, we were getting along so well.

I appreciated how you were upfront in speaking solely in Lao. The two exceptions being when you said "Turn on your front, please" then twenty minutes later when you said "Turn on your front, please", followed by an awkward pause as I continued to lay face down. Remember? Then you said "Ohhhhh....side!" and giggled with the other masseuse for the remainder of the massage.

Thanks for generally being more gentle than the Thai massage. There was another exception here, though. Remember when you were lightly conducting the back massage and then I heard you leave the room? Then I felt the wind forced out of my lungs and my eyes begin to stretch from their sockets and I thought "How strange that John Goodman would be in Luang Prabang and take time from his presumably busy schedule to conclude my massage". And if it was you, I think you're ready for the upcoming Southeast Asian Ultimate Muay Thai Kickboxing challenge.

Thanks again - the tea really was delightful.
Tim